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Video Game Addictions Destroying Marriages And Families

Posted by Job on August 23, 2007

1 Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

See link: Game widows grieve ‘lost’ spouses. Look at this story or its text below and tell me that there isn’t a war going on, Christians? Do not worry, this is not some screed against video gaming in and of itself. (Do not deny, however, that the evil content of a great many of these games should not be opposed by Christians.) Instead, the issue here is the truth that there are a great many things out there that are working to destroy minds, bodies, lives, and families. Christians need to be out there on the front lines constantly opposing this work of the enemy with the gospel, with prayer and counseling, and with spiritual warfare. Yes, if you are ignoring your spouse and children to sit and play video games all day, then you have a demon in you, if not several. The same is true with anyone that is addicted to gambling, sports, sex, alcohol or drugs, talk radio, television, etc. This is not hard to understand. It is that Christians are unwilling to face the reality because they are either A) afraid of demons or B) afraid of being viewed as strange, fanatical, or uneducated for going around talking about evil spirits and such. So they either run away from the problem, or try to “fight it” with Freudianism. Well let me tell you this: if you are unwilling to offer a family the help that it really needs to keep it from being destroyed by Satan in this manner … to keep fathers from being torn from their children and wives from their spouses, and the result being the video game addict living alone and depressed (giving the addict all the more motivation to seek escape through games and its culture) knowing what the end of that person will be unless God intervenes and saves the addict, then whose side are you on? Certainly not God’s! Well I have to let you know this right now: if you are addicted to video games or to anything else, then your only hope is Jesus Christ. And if you are a Christian that is so filled with fear and false doctrines that you are unwilling or unable to admit and confront the demonic activity in addiction and other areas, well let me tell you something judgment day is coming for you too you alleged Christian, and Jesus Christ is YOUR only hope as well. To both you groups and all others, I offer you this opportunity and do not let it pass you buy: follow The Three Step Salvation Plan! And as for adults – especially men – that seek escapism through video and online gaming, even by way of those Madden NFL games that I hear are absolutely outstanding … well again I have no scriptural basis for declaring this to be sin. The most that I can do is argue that certain games should be avoided if the CONTENT glamorizes, glorifies, or desensitizes you to sin, and I addressed that in my Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil, Do No Evil, Fear No Evil series written for the old site. But apart from that, please recall: everything in moderation. Make sure that you are walking within the Will of God and honoring God in all things and at all times. Above all, remember 1 Corinthians 13:11! And this goes not only for video games, but movies, books, TV shows, magazines, the people that you socialize with, and yes ESPECIALLY the churches that you attend and preachers that you follow. Christianity is 100% serious, people. There is a war going on, and don’t you ever forget it!

By Winda Benedetti MSNBC contributor

They don’t wear black veils. You won’t find them shopping for caskets at the local funeral home. And they don’t expect you to send them somber flower arrangements or cards expressing your sympathy.

And yet, they’re widows nonetheless.

Though their spouses and partners haven’t gone to the great beyond, these particular widows and widowers say their loved ones have gone someplace that’s almost as distant and unreachable. Some have left this world for the “World of Warcraft,” others have forsaken this life for “Second Life” and still others have been taken away by “EverQuest,” “Final Fantasy XI” and “Dark Age of Camelot.” As the ranks of those playing video games in general — and massively multiplayer online games in particular — continue to grow, so grow the ranks of those who refer to themselves as “game widows.”

They are the husbands, wives, girlfriends and boyfriends of gamers whose playing habits have consumed their lives. The bereaved say their mates have suffered a kind of digital death that has left only the shell of the person they loved behind. And like a real death, it has left the people who remain heartbroken, scared and angry.

“I felt like I wasn’t even married anymore,” says Sherry Myrow, 29, of Toronto. Her husband had become obsessed with playing “WoW,” a hugely popular online role-playing game that now boasts some nine million subscribers world-wide. “He wasn’t eating or sleeping. He wasn’t cooking — and he loves cooking. He became this person who wasn’t interested in life if it didn’t have to do with ‘World of Warcraft’.”

Angry, frustrated and feeling alone, Myrow started GamerWidow.com — a Web site for “gaming’s other half” — in June of 2005 and quickly discovered just how not alone she was.

“By July I had 400 active members and by the end of the year I had one thousand members,” she says.

Sherry Myrow
Sherry Myrow, of Toronto, started GamerWidow.com in June 2005. The site has some 2,000 members.
These days, GamerWidow.com has some 2,000 members who gather in the forums to vent their frustrations and mourn their losses together. Meanwhile, Myrow isn’t the only one who is, ironically enough, using the Internet as means of dealing with the devil it helped deliver into her home.

Jennifer Newberry sounds both discouraged and exhausted when she talks about her husband’s addiction to “WoW,” a game he has, at times, played up to 18 hours a day.

“Before he got into this game he had lots of other interests,” she says. “He was into music and cars, he was active, outdoorsy, he used to hang out with friends. Now he’s agoraphobic and won’t go out of the basement.”

Newberry joined the “WoW” Widows Support Group at Yahoo.com in October of 2005 so she could talk to other people who shared her plight. Back then there were 500 members. Two years later, Newberry has taken over as owner of the group that now includes more than 3,000 members.

“It wasn’t like being in a relationship,” Shelly Quintana says of life with her husband at the height of his gaming addiction, “it was like living with a zombie.”

In March of 2006, Quintana, a New Jersey mother of three, started a Web site called GamingSucks.com and a comic strip called “Widow’s Revenge” in response to her husband’s obsession with the likes of “Ultima Online” and “WoW.” At first, she did it as a way to tease the man she loved and missed. But then, “It just got crazy popular,” she says.

Living with the dead
Certainly video game addiction has been a much-discussed topic in recent months. This summer, a Reno couple was arrested after they let their two children nearly starve to death while they played a role-playing video game. And in June, the American Medical Association considered a proposal to declare video game addiction a formal psychiatric disorder.

Much to many widows’ dismay, the AMA decided against the official designation (at least for the time being), saying it needed further study.

Still, click through the pages of the widow support sites and you’ll find plenty of terrible tales told by those living with players unable to control their habit. There’s the woman whose husband left her in the hospital two hours after their baby was born so he could go home and play. There’s the bed-ridden wife whose husband wouldn’t take care of her because he was so busy gaming.

But it’s the overwhelming number of relatively ordinary tales of loneliness and despair in the wake of a mate’s compulsive gaming that make this phenomenon truly heartbreaking.

The posts in the GamerWidow.com forums frequently sound like this one:
He’s sitting 2 computers away from me, playing WoW. 11 years together, 2 kids and now a $1,000 bill for marriage therapy that’s not really working. I’m done, have been for awhile. It’s not just WoW, before WoW it was Final Fantasy, and before that SOCOM….I’ve been the invisible woman in my home for over 3 years…and honestly I’m done. I deserve a man who wants to spend time with me not his stupid games.

Quintana knows the feeling. She recalls being halfway around the world, visiting family in New Zealand, when she called the husband she hadn’t seen for weeks. But he wasn’t exactly happy to hear from her.

“He said, ‘I’ll have to call you back I’m in the middle of a raid,’ ” she says, referring to the group events that take place within ‘WoW.’ “It was horribly painful.”

And it’s not just women widows out there. There are plenty of men who’ve lost their wives and girlfriends to gaming as well. Writes one widower at GamerWidow.com: I’m a young dad with a little boy and baby girl and a wife who plays a whole lot of WoW…My wife plays during every free hour she has…When the baby wakes up during her afternoon nap, which is one of my wife’s daily time-slots for WOW…she gets seriously pissed off.

“With these MMORPGs, they will swallow almost anybody,” Myrow says, estimating that GamerWidow.com’s membership is split 70 percent women and 30 percent men. “They’re so user-friendly and so appealing to even a non-gamer that pretty much anyone can get sucked into them.”
Humor to help the hurt
“I’ve just come to a point where I don’t care anymore,” Newberry says. “I just kind of live like a single person. It’s a lost cause. I can’t make him change. And there are no rehab centers to send him to. If there were rehab centers I could send him to, he’d be first in line to get in.”

Dr. Hilarie Cash, a Redmond-based therapist and one of the few who specializes in Internet and computer addiction, believes that, in the future, gaming addiction will be declared an official mental disorder. She also believes that 12-step programs to help gameaholics kick their habits will be commonplace. Until then, she says widows have a particularly difficult battle.

“Right now video gaming is sexy and cool and it’s the up and coming fun way to live life,” she says. “So it is very hard to get people to see it for what it is as an addiction.”

Meanwhile, with a dearth of support, the widows deal with their loved ones’ addiction the best they can. Some try to nag their mates into quitting, some beg and plead. Some break game discs, install key loggers, or sabotage the computers all together.

Quintana draws comic strips.

She started drawing the “Widow’s Revenge” strips and posting them to GamingSucks.com as a way to vent her frustrations and poke a bit of fun at gamers and their compulsive behavior.

In one cartoon, a “WoW” addict can’t understand why the electric company won’t take gold from the game as payment after the power to his home gets cut off. In another, a game widow gets all dressed up for date night with her husband only to find that his idea of a date night is playing a two-person video game together.

“Finding some humor in it has really helped,” she says, explaining that her husband is playing less these days. “You get into a rut and you start nagging your spouse and that doesn’t help the situation. Putting humor into it made it less painful for me so I was able to discuss it better with him.”

Gamers don’t get it
Of course, the gamers out there haven’t been entirely understanding of the plight of the widows. Quintana has dedicated a section of GamingSucks.com to show the often vitriolic response her site has inspired.

Writes one: Instead of acting like a cranky old skank and bashing your husband’s hobby why don’t you pony up and buy your own PC and actually play it with him??

Writes another: Your man likes video games. Why the hell are you with him then? I’m sure the hobo in the dark alley way in the middle of the city doesn’t play WoW; he’s just your type!

“I think they all think we’re nagging horrible luddites and that’s not true,” says Quintana, who was a web designer before becoming a stay-at-home mom. (Myrow has a degree in computer science and Newberry works as a programmer.) “We’re just normal people who are begging for a little normality in our relationships.”

The widows say that, even more frustrating, are the people who tell them that they should simply leave their gamers and move on. While it seems many a divorce has come from homes divided by gaming, many of the widows say it’s not that simple.

“They say ‘why don’t you get a divorce’ and ‘why did you even marry a gamer?'” says Quintana. “But I didn’t marry a gamer, I married a man. I married somebody I loved.”

Top 5: Most addictive games
On the Level: Is a virtual affair real-world infidelity?
© 2007 MSNBC Interactive

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3 Responses to “Video Game Addictions Destroying Marriages And Families”

  1. Hi, My name is Leslie McKnight and I am looking for a rehab center for my husband because he is addicted to every game out there. He has no job and it’s about to destroy our marriage, and it’s destroying his life . I really need to find a rehab center for him in Carson City, NV or RENO, NV. It would be helpful if someone can tell me one. I would appreciate it.

    thank you
    Leslie McKnight

  2. larry page said

    Is this true

  3. m j said

    How sad but true how even adults fall into this evil trap.. my son also needs help , his addicted to video games and has not been able to hold a job because of this games.

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